A recent encounter surprised me as I learned yet again that positives achieve more than negatives. I am not against a bit of plain speaking, which can clear the air sometimes. Nevertheless, if plain speaking is not working and is repeatedly used in the same situation without results, perhaps we are employing a kind of bullying. Even with the best of intentions, treating staff and co-workers as if they must be told how to behave creates a barrier that stops creativity and understanding.
When we are frustrated that our best efforts at communication have failed, thinking of positives is extremely difficult. Probably we have developed our own tunnel vision, unable to approach the problem from a new perspective.
In preparing for my recent illuminating encounter, I had given up. Knowing that repeating the unwelcome advice I had given a colleague was as unwelcome as ever, I vowed to say nothing at all. Keeping silent, however, was simply impossible for my own peace of mind. Suddenly, my subconscious opened my mouth and complimented her on the one extremely minor improvement there had been in her behaviour. Like unblocking a dam in a stream, her reaction switched over to a positive one. She knew how her behaviour had to change, and she knew how to change it - all of which she verbalized, to my astonishment. Her resistance had been a defensive reaction to my advice. My secret thought is that no one had said anything nice to her for a long time and that she surprised herself in her gratitude.
We both learned our lesson.
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