Finding the Yes

As we rise in management, we encounter and are expected to resolve more conflicts. Because staff and colleagues have genuine differences, relying on straight yes or no answers is unrealistic. Usually senior management will be very reluctant to arbitrate in areas where staff have specialized expertise. Allowing peer situations to escalate to the point where both "sides" are being defensive is counterproductive. Defensive ears cannot hear.

The solution is to find the "yes" in any situation - we can almost always find something to agree with in another's argument. Following are some examples.

• If you want to introduce a new process and others fear the consequences, acknowledge the risks and propose a limited pilot to highlight successes and problems. Gain agreement that problems will be addressed during the pilot whenever possible.
• If a senior manager has a drastically different perspective than you, think through how that perspective could be linked to yours. Start with your joint desire to solve a problem, then frame your suggestions in the language of the senior manager. Identify even the smallest steps that will advance everyone's interests. Gradually you will be able to modify your approach either in expression or pace, yet achieve your real objective.
• Avoid contentious topics whenever possible. Too often, we re-introduce unresolved issues into discussions that may really be about something else. This forges links between topics that could have been kept separate. As you debate and discuss, maintain your own clear focus on the real topic and desired results.

Humans are really good at adapting to situations, and "finding the yes" exploits this universal skill. Do not apply it to violate either personal or corporate ethics. The last decade of business scandals has shown us that it is all too easy to incrementally erode our ethics. Find agreements that are genuine and honest.